Posted by: hatzihatzi | April 12, 2012

Holiday of bad food

So now on one of the last days of Passover, I’ve decided to write a Passsover post. I’ve been meaning to say something about it, but I just can’t get jazzed about this holiday. It’s not eating bread for a week, which for a vegetarian was pretty hard. And matzah, and pretty much all Passover carbs, is disgusting. I remember one Passover a few years ago, before I became a bad Jew and actually tried to keep Passover, I had matzah and something for breakfast and then had to walk to class. I threw up right on the sidewalk. I remember just wanting to turn around and go home, but I had to get to school because I had a test in something. And of course, goyim love matzah and macaroons. Sickos.

The only thing I like about Passover is chocolate seders. Just like it sounds, it’s like a traditional seder but everything you eat is chocolate. Instead of four glasses of wine, you’ll have four cups of chocolate milk. The hard boiled egg becomes a chocolate Easter egg (convenient that the two holidays are so close to each other). I recommend a Cadbury Creme Egg. The shankbone representing the sacrificial lamb becomes a Peep. Bitter herbs become bittersweet chocolate. Charoset can be a rice crispy treat made with Cocoa Puffs. And for karpas, I’ve seen people use green M&Ms, but I think strawberries are a better option. It represents spring  and rebirth and might help prevent people from going into a diabetic coma from just looking at the seder plate. And instead of matzah, you can use graham crackers and make a Hillel s’more.

But again, like everything Passover, this will also make you want to throw up.



  1. I don’t think I could handle the chocolate Seder, either!

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